for my grandpa

I have felt for a couple of days that I wanted to send my grandpa a card. He was dying and I knew I wasn't going to be able to go out and visit him. I put it off. And last night, Little Miss was pretty awake and oddly I felt awake too. I thought about my grandpa. I thought about writing a card or email since I was sure a card wasn't going to get to him in time. I didn't though. I didn't want Little Miss to think it was awake time. I found out this morning that we were awake thinking of him moments before he passed.

He was in pain, he was 96 years old. I didn't think I would be this sad. He was a good man, lived a good life, made and kept covenants to be faithful and true. It was his time. I'm sure he is happy and at peace with many joyful reunions in heaven. Why, why does it hurt so much to know that he is not here?

Here is my note Grandpa that I wished I had written before he left this life, now it is my little goodbye:

Dear Grandpa,

I wish I could visit you and I envy everyone else who has been blessed with the chance to come and share their love for you. I am thinking of you and praying for you.  I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Thank you for the wonderful person you are and all the blessings you have shared with your family and those around you. What an example you are!  There are three ways I will always remember you: On roller skates, gliding across the rink floor, making it look completely effortless with you hands clasped  behind your back (in this one way I wish I was older and could have been apart of the awesome roller skating show era and seen you dance away); in you your beautiful garden (that produced the BEST corn that Nebraska can't even compete with); and in your computer chair diligently working away on family history and journals. Well, let me add a few more. :) In your brown lazy boy chair- where you would sit when we sat and visited or where you would sit to watch evening shows. And I will always remember the day you performed GG and I's marriage and sealing. And I will remember your words you shared with us that day.  What happy thoughts!

I love you Grandpa! I hope your reunion on the other side is more blissful and joyful than I could ever hope to imagine. I am who I am because of who you were and how you lived. I will always remember. I am so thankful that Boo shares your name so she too can remember the heritage you left behind.