Tuesday, April 10, 2012

weighed down

It's been a long time since I blogged....again. I guess the blogging world has lost some of it's excitement for me. I'm trying decide if it's something I should put my mind to fixing or just let it be.
Here are some random pieces of our life:

We went to Oklahoma to visit GG's brother for Easter. We had enjoyable time with family. Our niece got baptized-which was a very lovely event. We went swimming with the family at the hotel pool. Boo was very leery of the swimming pool and didn't even want to change into her swimsuit. So she and I sat and watched them until finally she decided it was time. I'll have to wait for some pictures from Nonna (gg's mom). She was super cute on her little boat thing. She picked up on how to move all over the pool in it in no time. I also got my first foot zone from his sister in law. It was an intriguing experience to learn how your feet tell what is going on in the rest of your body. I'd recommend it.

Here's a picture of her finding her basket that the Easter Bunny and helpers filled so generously.  She loves it!

I feel like I've had a bad month, or two or three, where my filter has not been working well and I spurt out things that come off sounding offensive or just wrong.  Does anyone else feel that way? Or is it just me. I really have been struggling lately and its driving me crazy. Maybe I don't get out enough.

I've decided that I need an adjustment with my attitude with money. I'm not sure how to go about that but I've got to stop feeling so offended and robbed everytime I get a bill. I'm just tired of giving people my money when I didn't plan on giving it to them. Pretty much our tax return went to a crown for me...I wish it was the tiarra kind but no, tubes for boo's ears, brakes for our van, and other medical expenses. I'm praying for a much more relaxed year but then again, we are almost at our max out of pocket for the year and its only April-so we could get some free work. :) jk. I'd really rather not.  I need to just stop being bitter and realize the blessings that we have.

The other thing that has been in my mind lately-which incidently is probably one of those things that have come out wrong-has been when friends are talking about children. I am impressed by their ability to handle more than one child yet the very idea of having two children in my care around the clock stresses me out.  I want another child, I really do, but it terrifies me. Some of you know that in January we had our second miscarriage. Like probably almost all women who have miscarriages we don't know why but I'm trusting the Lord that this is not the right timing for us. And that it just might be more than I can handle right now. But I realize I need to stop saying out loud how difficult it seems and start being more positive and figure out how I can learn to manage 2 children all day, everyday. I really do love being a mom. I love Boo and I can't wait to love another little baby.

SOoooo this was a LOT longer than anticipated...just spilled my brains here. It appears I have been a stressed out, weighed down bummer lately. goodness. Hopefully by putting all this out there, clearing the brain waves it will open up the window to more blogging. ...maybe. No promises. 

Here are a few pictures of Boo. She likes to wear our shoes- in this one she's wearing one of my (grandma-looking work shoes) and GG's shoes.

Have a good one friends.


Becky said...

A~ This post made me miss you so much! I didn't know about your miscarriages. That is such a hard thing, I know not from experience but through my sister who had six in a row. Saying out loud, how difficult it is, is healthy and okay. It IS a hard loss and don't let anyone tell you or make you feel like it isn't. You have the right attitude though, the Lord's timing is not our timing. Trust and have faith. And all things are for our experience.

Marley turned four yesterday! And I am expecting girl #2 any day. I am so nervous about having two. Not so much at home but going out anywhere. Two to get ready. Two in the car. Two in the cart. TWO!?!? My attention will be divided and that makes me nervous. (wait, I did take two out when I watched Boo...I can't even remember how I did that? Maybe I never went out? HA!)

But, I trust that this is the time. And Marley is going to be a big helper, as I'm sure Boo will be too when the time is right. I think that mothers often surprise themselves when it comes to handling more children. The Lord magnifies our efforts.

About the filter....I feel like I have phases like that too. I don't know what triggers it or what gets me out of it, but while I'm in it, it bugs. I think sometimes we just think we are offending or saying things wrong...but we aren't. Maybe just a confidence thing? At least with me it is...I'm sure.

AND the bills! Bills stink. And adult things like insurance (auto, medical, any-kind) stink! We got new medical insurance in January and Nathan has gotten his insulin at LEAST 3 or 4 times on the new insurance and last time we went to pick up the refill, the pharmacy said our insurance won't cover that kind. I was SO MAD. WHY?!?!? The lady asked if we had new insurance and I explained yes, but we have gotten at LEAST 3 refills already. She double checked and said they won't cover that kind of insulin and suggested two others. The pharmacy had already called the doctor with the two other options. Still haven't heard anything from the doctor or the pharmacy. SO ANNOYING! Luckily it's not an emergency and we have tried to keep a little extra, just in case!

Ok, sorry for that tangent. But, sometimes I wonder why little things in life stress me out. I wonder how others aren't stressed out and overwhelmed? I think we all just handle things differently. Again I go through phases with this too where the little trials of life seem like too much. And I guess "little trials" are relative. But, I see others going through much more and I think, "How do that do it?"

Anyway, sorry for the long comment. I just love you and hope you feel comforted in all the ways you need it. You are a great mother and wife...I've seen you at both. You are so blessed with such a loving and supportive and tender husband. He really is a Gentle Giant. Keep your head up and keep the faith!

Stacey said...

I think you need to watch this--

Life is full of ups and downs and it is so unpredictable and unexpected. The trick is trying to find happiness amongst all the trials.

You have a pink kink in your think. Bound, Bound and Rebound. You're doing great, just keep it up. Just look around!

Love YOU!

Kristie said...

I'm sorry you have had a rough time, I totally get all of it. Especially the money thing, it seems like we just get a little saved and we can do something and it goes to something not fun. This time it is taxes.$1400.Gone! SO...
Be grateful for all that you have been blessed with and LOOK UP:)
I watched the little video Stacey said to watch. I watched with a different perspective this time.
Boo is such a cute little stink-
I hope we will be able to see you at the wedding, or sometime this summer.
Love you !!

jen said...

Oh I'm so sorry Alissa. I wish I were there to give you a big hug... I'll go hug the bear you gave me long ago. I still love that bear. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

I can do hard things, in the strength of the Lord I can do all things (woman leader in church, her name is drawing a blank....)