forever 23 is gone....

Sad news friends. I'm no longer perpetually 23. What happened?  I'm shocked. I've started to see some of the signs: the grey hair and a few wrinkles around my eyes. But when I changed my facebook profile picture, I clicked on the picture that takes you to the next picture in the profile album, it popped up a picture from when I was actually 23, no take that back, 24.  But that young little lady is starting to transition into...something, um...well, something older.

ahh well, the only thing that comforts me is that my husband is starting to look older too and we get to grow old together. Wrinkles and all. ahhh wedded bliss!

Here's to the new "forever 30". My goal: to look 30 until I'm 40 and then I will have to figure something else out.....but I think I just cringed writing 40. That doesn't seem possible, see I'm stuck in my twenties. This might be hard to let my mind accept that I am indeed getting older.

I also did some math the other day while walking to pick up Boo from school. I figured by the time Little Miss and any other hopeful children are done with this elementry school, I will be in my 40's. That is so weird.

okay. enough.  I will accept that I am older and be okay with it. Embrace it.  30, flirty and thriving...right? (from the movie 13 going on 30).

when i grow up...

So we took Boo to the dentist. She did awesome! She never once complained about her mouth hurting or feeling numb during or after. I squirmed in my chair more than she did when they gave her the shot to numb her mouth. Seriously, she is a super star when it comes to the dentist and doctors. ...little miss on the other hand, freaks out.

The dentist and the assistant who were working on her teeth asked I'd she wanted to be a doctor or dentist when she grew up she said "no". They asked a couple of other things including a princess to which she replied with something like, " we don't have those anymore". Realizing that I have never asked her this before I was intensely curious about this conversation. Finally, I jumped in and asked, "what do you want to be?" She answered with a smile, " a mom."  I'd be lying if I said my eagles didn't water a bit and my heart swell up with pride and love. Maybe i'm not doing such a terrible job if she wants to be a mom too.

a picture post

Its been awhile since I've shared pictures so 'ere we go.....

Boo practicing her primary talk on the Holy Ghost....

 My messy eater:

Tea party from these not completely refined little ladies...When you think of tea party manners it doesn't apply to 4 year olds. It was funny and cute.

 Family pictures...probably the only one she didn't need to photoshop at least one of us....I didn't realize how hard it is to get 4 of us together and not doing something un-photogenic, and I'm only showing one...I've got surprise some of you when the Christmas card comes!

Here are a few I snapped this morning with my...ugh! 8 year old camera (really, can it be that old already...I know its pathetic compared to the cameras I've seen but really?) anyway, we do with what we've got (sometimes). They were looking so stinkin' cute this morning we snapped a few before we ran off to take Boo to school and did a few more with little miss...

Did I do good? huh? huh?? I have photoshop elements but I really don't know what I'm doing with it mostly I did the "auto correct" or "smart something-a-rather".

What I really wish is that I had a camera on me at all times and that my kids were numb to it, so they would just keep doing what they are doing. I see some of the most beautiful pictures everyday that are only captured in my heart. Seriously, I wish I could capture the sweetness of my girls playing together, giving each other kisses, the smiles and giggles.  There are so many tender moments that I just need to remember when all the craziness and yelling/screaming (depending on which one is doing it) and madness happen.  I do love my kids. I wish, oh so very much that grow up to be exactly who Heavenly Father wants them to be...and that I don't screw them up somehow. :)

mommyhood

I had a thought on Saturday night that I should blog about being a mom. I love being a mom. 24 hours later however, I remembered how I had that thought and I couldn't remember why I was thinking that because at the moment, I didn't love mommyhood. Seriously, why is being a mom so hard? I know how WONDERFUL it is, because it really is the best, but some days it's hard to see life with the right eyes. Do you know what I mean? One day, you can only see the smiles and whistle while you work and then the next day you are yelling, your kids are screaming, dinner is impossible and you are just waiting and praying that your husband will walk through the door and relieve all the tension and give you just one moment to breathe and hear yourself think for one second.  *sigh* 

I know all you moms have been there a hundred million times before-it's part of this job we signed up for being the supposed- to -be -all- knowing, soothing, exciting, creative, brilliant, inspiring, devoted and loving MOM. I just wish the easy days out numbered the hard ones. And maybe they do, it's just hard to remember that. And it's hard to remember that your life has purpose and meaning as you clean your house again and again, change another dirty diaper, remind your child that we do not put objects into the toilet or eat things out of the garbage, etc etc etc.....

Being a mom is what I want to do. I've never been able to figure out what it is that I could do as a profession, nothing really stood out to me, "like hey, that would be fun", or "I could do that". But being a mom was what I knew I wanted to be a part of my life and that I wanted to be able to choose to stay home with them. So here I am...just keeping my head above water sometimes just trying to figure it out. 

oh, sigh. I'm just now remembering why I thought to write about Saturday night. And it's not anything that I just wrote...that all just comes from the last few days exhaustion.  This is what was happening Saturday: 

Little Miss woke up from her nap Saturday feeling a little feverish, then I saw her her plugged with gunk inside. I took her to the clinic. I knew at that moment she had an ear infection and that the one from a month ago never went away. How awful do you feel as a parent knowing your child had been in pain for over a month?! She hardly shows it but I knew at times something was bothering her but I just chalked it up to teething. poor girl. She just feel asleep in my arms that night she was so exhausted from the pain and trauma of going to the doctor (she does not like them, at all).

 And Miss Boo is supposed to get crowns...ideally 4 crowns made of silver. I had no idea that her teeth would have any problems. She has so much space in her teeth. We don't, I mean my kids, don't eat tons of sugar. we don't drink pop. we don't do fruit snacks or candy really. I'm really at a loss. What else can I do?  It moments like this you feel like a bad mom, even though I know, that is just the way things go sometimes.  But I feel so bad she has to have silver teeth and I'm afraid it will show in her smile. And for some reason, I feel like I'll be judge as a bad mom. I feel like I should have been able to prevent it for her. And poor Boo, she has no idea what is store for her. She likes the doctors and dentists but she has never had a shot in her mouth, oh how a deplore those things!!!! And then as she turns into a pre-teen, when you start becoming self-conscious and looks start becoming important, she'll still have a mouth of silver.  

Oh to be a mom! Oh, how we strive to protect, prevent, care and fix everything...but then we know we can't.