mommyhood

I had a thought on Saturday night that I should blog about being a mom. I love being a mom. 24 hours later however, I remembered how I had that thought and I couldn't remember why I was thinking that because at the moment, I didn't love mommyhood. Seriously, why is being a mom so hard? I know how WONDERFUL it is, because it really is the best, but some days it's hard to see life with the right eyes. Do you know what I mean? One day, you can only see the smiles and whistle while you work and then the next day you are yelling, your kids are screaming, dinner is impossible and you are just waiting and praying that your husband will walk through the door and relieve all the tension and give you just one moment to breathe and hear yourself think for one second.  *sigh* 

I know all you moms have been there a hundred million times before-it's part of this job we signed up for being the supposed- to -be -all- knowing, soothing, exciting, creative, brilliant, inspiring, devoted and loving MOM. I just wish the easy days out numbered the hard ones. And maybe they do, it's just hard to remember that. And it's hard to remember that your life has purpose and meaning as you clean your house again and again, change another dirty diaper, remind your child that we do not put objects into the toilet or eat things out of the garbage, etc etc etc.....

Being a mom is what I want to do. I've never been able to figure out what it is that I could do as a profession, nothing really stood out to me, "like hey, that would be fun", or "I could do that". But being a mom was what I knew I wanted to be a part of my life and that I wanted to be able to choose to stay home with them. So here I am...just keeping my head above water sometimes just trying to figure it out. 

oh, sigh. I'm just now remembering why I thought to write about Saturday night. And it's not anything that I just wrote...that all just comes from the last few days exhaustion.  This is what was happening Saturday: 

Little Miss woke up from her nap Saturday feeling a little feverish, then I saw her her plugged with gunk inside. I took her to the clinic. I knew at that moment she had an ear infection and that the one from a month ago never went away. How awful do you feel as a parent knowing your child had been in pain for over a month?! She hardly shows it but I knew at times something was bothering her but I just chalked it up to teething. poor girl. She just feel asleep in my arms that night she was so exhausted from the pain and trauma of going to the doctor (she does not like them, at all).

 And Miss Boo is supposed to get crowns...ideally 4 crowns made of silver. I had no idea that her teeth would have any problems. She has so much space in her teeth. We don't, I mean my kids, don't eat tons of sugar. we don't drink pop. we don't do fruit snacks or candy really. I'm really at a loss. What else can I do?  It moments like this you feel like a bad mom, even though I know, that is just the way things go sometimes.  But I feel so bad she has to have silver teeth and I'm afraid it will show in her smile. And for some reason, I feel like I'll be judge as a bad mom. I feel like I should have been able to prevent it for her. And poor Boo, she has no idea what is store for her. She likes the doctors and dentists but she has never had a shot in her mouth, oh how a deplore those things!!!! And then as she turns into a pre-teen, when you start becoming self-conscious and looks start becoming important, she'll still have a mouth of silver.  

Oh to be a mom! Oh, how we strive to protect, prevent, care and fix everything...but then we know we can't.