challenge

GG and I gave each other a challenge for the week. Mine is that I can't say anything negative about my body. Day 1 was a success but I can't count how many negative thoughts I had. The hope is that by not being able to say them I might start to control my thoughts...and make a bigger challenge next week. Ever since I started working out and my body started to change in good ways, I started to see the things that aren't changing and things that I want to change.

Do you guys have negative thoughts about your body or am I really in a slump concerning my body image? Which as I say this, I also notice some of the good things about my body too but the problem is that I dwell on the negative. :(

failed attempts

What's wrong with this picture???

Uh..... pretty much everything. 

We had the dickens of a time getting this couch down stairs. This was the 2nd or 3rd attempt. I won't say who's idea it was but I think it is obvious it failed and I think this picture is hilarious. We started moving this couch down around 10:00 this morning and we finally got it in the basement around 7:00 tonight.  Granted we had several other projects going on and had to let this stew for awhile after GG finally believed me when I said that I was not the right gal for this job and he would have to find a friend to help. I like to think I'm a strong girl but I guess working out with 1lb weights doesn't cut it when moving couches. HAHAHA! (just so you know, I'm going to move it up to 2lb weights this next week...living on the dangerous side, I know.)

a thousand words

I have a friend who is doing a challenge called something like "in the picture"??? Anyway, it's something about how mom's are always the ones behind the camera and that the kids and you are going to want to remember you were a part of it all. I love that on my friend's blog she has pictures of her when she isn't all gussied up but what she looks like in the morning playing with her kids at home. I very much admire her confidence in herself pretty much in every way but I thought that was very admirable. I thought I'd try to to take more pictures and sometimes include me in them...even without showering or getting ready for the day...yikes.  I haven't taken pictures every day but I have pulled the camera out since I have been soooo very lazy.

I've also been inspired to take more pictures and get more on our video camera because of my grandpa who passed away. He was always video taping and keeping a record of life. I most likely will not be as diligent as he but I need to do better documenting my family's life. I love my life and I want to remember it. And they are going to want to remember it to. I'm not very good with words..especially the spoken word and these pictures are going to be worth a thousand words when they ask, "what was I like when I was growing up?"

 Hair pulling and this time it's not me pulling my own hair...sometimes I let her, it's better than her grabbing my eyes and lips:

Sisters watching Baby Einstein

The grabbing of the lips that I previously mentioned:

 Here little miss! Here little miss! Interesting little habit she has picked up lately:

 Climbing and attacking mom all while giggling...I grabbed my phone since it was within arms reach

 falling asleep while eating...ahhhhh

I'll keep trying to take pictures throughout the month.

dream. dream dream

The last few nights I have been dreaming heavily or just being woken upat all the wrong times so that I know I'm dreaming.  Dreams are just weird. Do we dream all the time but just can't remember them? Where do the story lines come from? Are all natural story creators we just don't know how to tap into it? And do babies dream stories? Where does the material come from?

Ps. I think I'm going to start calling Little Miss as flapper girl or raspberry. She flaps her arms and legs so much I think she is about ready to take flight and she has been blowing so many raspberries , I think it's one of her favorite things to do. I generally don't mind however she has learned to do it with food in her mouth. Not cool.

I'd be rich

On the way home from Utah, I was thinking about my short trip and I told GG that it was a rich experience and there wasn't anything I regretted. I loved that I had lunch with my mom and her sisters and see them interact. I loved the time we had with GG's family and that Boo got to play with her cousins. I love that I got to see family that I hadn't seen for a very long time. And I'm so glad that I got to be with all of my siblings. I wish it wasn't for a funeral that brought these opportunities but what greater gift could you give your grandfather than a sweet reunion of his posterity?

On the trip home I heard "If I Was A Millionaire" by Weird Al (?) on the radio. At the end of the song he says, "If I had a million dollars...I'd be rich." I might not have a million dollars but look at what I do have:

(All of my grandpa's grandchildren together for the very first time)

 (All of my siblings together for the first time since 2006)

If I had lots and lots of family......I'd be rich. :)

a heavenly father gift

I told Boo that we were going on a trip to go to great grandpa's funeral. Then I had to explain what a funeral was. I told her it is where are family and friends get together to say goodbye and remember him. She then said we need to get him a "Heavenly Father gift".  Sounds nice but I'm still not sure what she meant by it. I heard her mentioning it in her prayers tonight too. I asked her some more after she prayed, telling her that he didn't need a gift since he was already in heaven. I told her his body his still her on earth that they would put his body in a beautiful box and bury him in the earth while his spirit is in heaven. (this sounds weird as i type this but it's life, I guess.) Until he is resurrected. While talking about the "box" she said, "ooh I want to see the box". Somewhere in the conversation she said that she wanted to go to heaven. PLEASE, not yet! I told her that we needed to be here. I asked her, "don't you want to learn and grow? don't you want to read books, learn and run as fast as you can? Don't you want to grow up and get married in the temple? Don't you want to have kids and become a grandma someday?" She got very excited at becoming a grandma. Phew! I hopefully convinced her to remain in this earth life until she becomes a grandma.   I love my girls. I truly do. what a wonderful gift life is. Pondering death and leaving this life really makes you appreciate every part of this life from the miracle of birth and the transition we made to come here- through each phase of our life to the day it is time for us to make the transition in heaven.  I'm excited to know that when my time comes that grandpa will be one of those people awaiting to greet me home.

this turned out a lot longer than anticipated......sorry. lots of thoughts.

for my grandpa

I have felt for a couple of days that I wanted to send my grandpa a card. He was dying and I knew I wasn't going to be able to go out and visit him. I put it off. And last night, Little Miss was pretty awake and oddly I felt awake too. I thought about my grandpa. I thought about writing a card or email since I was sure a card wasn't going to get to him in time. I didn't though. I didn't want Little Miss to think it was awake time. I found out this morning that we were awake thinking of him moments before he passed.

He was in pain, he was 96 years old. I didn't think I would be this sad. He was a good man, lived a good life, made and kept covenants to be faithful and true. It was his time. I'm sure he is happy and at peace with many joyful reunions in heaven. Why, why does it hurt so much to know that he is not here?

Here is my note Grandpa that I wished I had written before he left this life, now it is my little goodbye:

Dear Grandpa,

I wish I could visit you and I envy everyone else who has been blessed with the chance to come and share their love for you. I am thinking of you and praying for you.  I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Thank you for the wonderful person you are and all the blessings you have shared with your family and those around you. What an example you are!  There are three ways I will always remember you: On roller skates, gliding across the rink floor, making it look completely effortless with you hands clasped  behind your back (in this one way I wish I was older and could have been apart of the awesome roller skating show era and seen you dance away); in you your beautiful garden (that produced the BEST corn that Nebraska can't even compete with); and in your computer chair diligently working away on family history and journals. Well, let me add a few more. :) In your brown lazy boy chair- where you would sit when we sat and visited or where you would sit to watch evening shows. And I will always remember the day you performed GG and I's marriage and sealing. And I will remember your words you shared with us that day.  What happy thoughts!

I love you Grandpa! I hope your reunion on the other side is more blissful and joyful than I could ever hope to imagine. I am who I am because of who you were and how you lived. I will always remember. I am so thankful that Boo shares your name so she too can remember the heritage you left behind.