I'm BAACCKKKKKK

Do I dare start blogging again? As my due date for little boy approaches, I was trying to figure out when my actual due date was with little miss #3 (Funny how the details start to blur with each child, eh?) I couldn't find the info on facebook (go me for not posting too many personal details there), so I came here and found the info I wanted and was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed being able to look back at our lives. And now that I finally don't have a gimp computer that needs to be hooked up to the TV to be used which eventually lost its ability to connect to the internet, I actually have a real option of blogging again.

I feel like I have been so far out of the blog world and once I got on my blog I realized others are STILL using blogs! However since it's been so long since I've posted I'd be surprised if any of my old blog friends even see my posts. But really, as it was from mostly the beginning, its for me.

SOOOOOOOO.....where does one start when they have been absent for a year and half? First, maybe a mental note to myself...I have been journaling since January in a real notebook... (with paper and pen..truly legit and with much more details in our lives than I would share on a blog...sounds juicy huh? ) :)  so, Self, start there if I need more details for the last six months at least, the rest of the year that I was absent remains with ever more apparent poor memory. :(

We took a hospital tour since this new doctor we are seeing only delivers at this particular hospital. The kids actually enjoyed it. And GG and I were pleasantly surprised at the news that this hospital, as of this month, now has a mommy plus one meal like our old hospital (this was a big downside to this hospital compared to the one we have delivered our other babes at). So big plus for GG-he loves free food. :) However, I left the hospital feelings sad? or maybe anxious ? Not sure. As much as I am totally DONE being pregnant, I'm don't feel prepared for this delivery, or 4 children. AHHH! Heaven help us.

I have seen a couple stories of women who have died after giving birth for whatever reason. I have my fears. This pregnancy has given me odd symptoms, the doctors chalk it up lack of water, increased blood flow whatever but what if its something really serious? Paranoia, I know. The endless what if's of childbirth.

This pregnancy was unexpected but at the same time, I knew there was another. I remember walking around a store and had all three kids but I felt like I was missing one. (it must have been when Little miss #3 was still strapped into the cart because now we are a circus walking around the store).  It was a clear feeling that I still feel today and feel like this pregnancy was to be despite maybe not being super ready for it.

It has taken me so much longer to get ready for this baby. We STILL don't have a name. So serious suggestions welcome....if anyone is reading this.  I did wash the car seat...still have to put it together. Need to wash clothes (probably redundantly, my neighbor so generously passed on her baby boy clothes from her little boy who is 9 months old. SO GRATEFUL!) We did rearrange the room so that the pack n' play will fit in our room where he will reside until Little miss #3 outgrows the crib. Need to buy diapers. I bought stuff to make boy burp clothes instead of using pink ones on him. :) I guess writing this there really isn't more to do, it's just odd. I feel like, especially with the first there is obviously so much more to do but there isn't tons to do for a 4th child. Finding a name is probably the biggest challenge.

I was going to have a picture of me at 37 weeks (tomorrow) but by the time I got done cooking dinner my outfit was dirty so maybe at 38 weeks..or 41 weeks.  (I have to mentally prepare myself for the fact I will likely go over) .

Sorry this was more journal-ish than bloggish but ahh well, I'll get back in the swing of things!

Goals

I have had lots of thoughts in my head of what I want to happen this year.
1. After a lot of pondering and teaching a lesson in Relief Society, I have decided that while I can't control my two year old, despite my best efforts, I don't have to walk out of the battle with her not liking myself as a parent. I want more peace in my home and heart. It doesn't mean all the battles will disappear  but I can still walk out of the battle with peace knowing I am working with her the best I can and as closely as the Savior would.  I will pick my battles and help my children recognize how the can have more peaceful resolutions to their battles. I want my home to be a place where my children want to be and where others are comfortable being.
2. Ponderizing. The term for poneeding the scriptures. I haven't done well with it but I want it happening in my home. I want myself and children to have scriptures in their heart and minds. As Elder Scott, called the scriptures he memorized, "dear friends" . Should I be in struggle,  I not only want my kids to have happy memories to fill and warm their hearts. I want the scriptures to come to their mind and guide them.
3. By December I want to fit back into a skirt I bought and wore before sweet missy took residence in my body. I hope that is generous enough of time, it's a little over a year of exercising but I feel like my tummy isn't budging.
So yep, my list of things I want to work on.

Love

I love it when my siblings send an ornament with a story or scripture.  As I pull out my ornament and hang it up I get to have a little spiritual moment.  My kids are getting old enough I can pause and teach them the meaning of some of these ornaments.  

This ornament,  I'm sure not made by my sister but given by her is one such ornament. 

As I look at my tree, as I said before,  I am filled with love and joy for my family. But as this ornament reminds me, that the tree represents the love of God. He offers the fruit of His tree so that we can be filled with His love and joy. 

Christmas in a Nutshell

I had a dream the other night that I went on another date with a past boyfriend that I haven't seen since we broke up. I wanted things to work out so bad but at the same time I had sooo many red flags telling me that I was not going to be happy with  him. Anyway, in this dream I forgave him and went to something that felt like a ward party but it was McDonald's  (which was supposed to be novelty). During our dinner two flighty girls who lived by him came up and sat at the table and they had a flirty-ditzy annoying conversation.  After a few minutes I got up had a few awesome parting words and I woke up. I woke up so thankful for my awesome husband.  The night before the dream, I had sat admiring him as he held our sweet babe in the light of the Christmas tree. It was one of those moments that your heart swells with gratitude, joy and with a prayer that it will last.

The beautiful thing is that even though things do change and there are difficulties in life we do get to hang on forever. The beauty of the season is in our Savior. That He lived. He died. AND lives again. And we can be together with Him and our families as we covenant to live like him.

Christmas in a Nutshell

(From brother#2 it's Christ in a walnut shell. Cute.)

O Christmas tree!

I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music, admiring my Christmas tree. I love my Christmas tree.

My tree is filled with ornaments have been made/given by my siblings. Every year at least a few of us have exchanged ornaments. Some of these ornaments have stories or reasons why I love them. I know that I have to be realistic and admit that with three little ones some of these ornaments may not get to last forever. So I thought I should document these ornaments so I can always remember them and continue to feel joy in my family and in Christmas.
So over the next few weeks I may be posting a few of my favorites.

Today's ornament was one of the first exchanged. It brings me so much joy everytime I look at it.

Isn't he so cute? My brother sent this. I think it came as a great surprise to me to that my brother was so crafty. It was during his divorce, so I knew it came 100% from him. I just feel like there is so much love in this ornament.  It's the happiest elf I have ever seen.

This girl

Ever since boo was little,  good byes have never been a big deal. I barely could get a wave or a verbal good bye from her when I dropped her off at preschool.  I always half-wished I got more as I watched other kids hug and kiss their moms  goodbye. But I also knew it just wasn't who Boo was. She has always been so excited for school and being around friends that the temporary separation wasn't a big deal.
But lately when i've dropping her off at school, I get a hug, a kiss and/or blown kiss with an "I love you mom". Ahhhhh. It tickles my heart.
I've also started to say a little prayer for her most days as I watch her walk into school. I like that special little prayer just for her. I hope I can keep that up.

Spooktacular

Since Halloween fell on a Saturday, and apparently not tired of party planning yet, I thought we had to make Halloween a little more exciting. Halloween is not my favorite holiday but there are so many fun things to do. I decided to through together a little party, not really little but not big enough to invite all that I wanted to. I think those who came had fun but i think I learned a few things:
1. Make it longer, it was too short for me to sit and talk to anyone.
2. Either make it all at activities and not a meal, or start off with the meal so that i can enjoy the party.
3. do it on the years that we aren't doing a birthday party for Boo
4. just keep having fun. We are creating memories for our kids. I stopped for a minute one day why I care about that and why that is important. We want them to remember childhood as a happy time. we want them to remember our love for them and that we have fun together. And it is our memories that will bring a smile and warmth in our hearts when life gets hard our sad.
Anyway here's the party

Fairy god mother and Doc McStuffins

 My neighbor brought this craft and it was perfect, the kids LOVED it.

 The food table beginning to get full of all the yummy treats people brought

  Wrap your daddy up like a mummy:

 Donuts on a string

 so fun, so messy

 We also had other games they could play at their leisure: Spider tag (basically line tag),  black cat alley but it was really a spiderweb obstacle course that ran between our fence and behind the shed and trampoline, we had the jumping spider nest (trampoline), Witches hat ring toss, and bat flying races. 

 Ready to trick or treat:

 well Documented to help out those memory keeping skills. :)