I'm BAACCKKKKKK

Do I dare start blogging again? As my due date for little boy approaches, I was trying to figure out when my actual due date was with little miss #3 (Funny how the details start to blur with each child, eh?) I couldn't find the info on facebook (go me for not posting too many personal details there), so I came here and found the info I wanted and was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed being able to look back at our lives. And now that I finally don't have a gimp computer that needs to be hooked up to the TV to be used which eventually lost its ability to connect to the internet, I actually have a real option of blogging again.

I feel like I have been so far out of the blog world and once I got on my blog I realized others are STILL using blogs! However since it's been so long since I've posted I'd be surprised if any of my old blog friends even see my posts. But really, as it was from mostly the beginning, its for me.

SOOOOOOOO.....where does one start when they have been absent for a year and half? First, maybe a mental note to myself...I have been journaling since January in a real notebook... (with paper and pen..truly legit and with much more details in our lives than I would share on a blog...sounds juicy huh? ) :)  so, Self, start there if I need more details for the last six months at least, the rest of the year that I was absent remains with ever more apparent poor memory. :(

We took a hospital tour since this new doctor we are seeing only delivers at this particular hospital. The kids actually enjoyed it. And GG and I were pleasantly surprised at the news that this hospital, as of this month, now has a mommy plus one meal like our old hospital (this was a big downside to this hospital compared to the one we have delivered our other babes at). So big plus for GG-he loves free food. :) However, I left the hospital feelings sad? or maybe anxious ? Not sure. As much as I am totally DONE being pregnant, I'm don't feel prepared for this delivery, or 4 children. AHHH! Heaven help us.

I have seen a couple stories of women who have died after giving birth for whatever reason. I have my fears. This pregnancy has given me odd symptoms, the doctors chalk it up lack of water, increased blood flow whatever but what if its something really serious? Paranoia, I know. The endless what if's of childbirth.

This pregnancy was unexpected but at the same time, I knew there was another. I remember walking around a store and had all three kids but I felt like I was missing one. (it must have been when Little miss #3 was still strapped into the cart because now we are a circus walking around the store).  It was a clear feeling that I still feel today and feel like this pregnancy was to be despite maybe not being super ready for it.

It has taken me so much longer to get ready for this baby. We STILL don't have a name. So serious suggestions welcome....if anyone is reading this.  I did wash the car seat...still have to put it together. Need to wash clothes (probably redundantly, my neighbor so generously passed on her baby boy clothes from her little boy who is 9 months old. SO GRATEFUL!) We did rearrange the room so that the pack n' play will fit in our room where he will reside until Little miss #3 outgrows the crib. Need to buy diapers. I bought stuff to make boy burp clothes instead of using pink ones on him. :) I guess writing this there really isn't more to do, it's just odd. I feel like, especially with the first there is obviously so much more to do but there isn't tons to do for a 4th child. Finding a name is probably the biggest challenge.

I was going to have a picture of me at 37 weeks (tomorrow) but by the time I got done cooking dinner my outfit was dirty so maybe at 38 weeks..or 41 weeks.  (I have to mentally prepare myself for the fact I will likely go over) .

Sorry this was more journal-ish than bloggish but ahh well, I'll get back in the swing of things!