Squishy

So obviously I have a post baby body and I am totally okay with it. I'm okay with little miss calling my tummy squishy all the time ( don't love her pushing on it however. ) I know my body has paid a price for my sweet babes and that's okay.  I will exercise and feel good about my body.

But when you go in for the post-baby check and your doctor checks your tummy and states " you have a lot of loose skin. You're going to need a tummy tuck.".

Say what?!! Who says that, especially so soon. I wasn't concerned.  And in fact i'm pretty sure it's normal.

I'm glad i'm happy enough with my body and confident that I can exercise and know my body will be fine in a few months (or many months). Otherwise that could have really hit my self esteem.  Goodness. Her statement comes to mind often but I just roll my eyes and laugh it off.

All worth it. If my squishy tummy doesn't go away. I hope I can wear it like a badge of honor, being a mother of my 3 wonderful girls.

Wanna be farmers

GG had the day off yesterday,  ya you heard me right. :) happens once in a blue moon that he has no church or work stuff going on... ( I really don't know how rare blue moons are, but it may be more rare than a blue moon).

Anyway we decided to go and pick a pumpkin ...and raspberries and apples, just a few for the fun of it. I wish  that we picked more and either froze them or made yummy food with them. Oh well. Harvesting the fruit makes me want to have a big garden but them there is the planting and making them grow thing....

 They also had a few other fall activities.

Will we go back there for picking pumpkins instead of the big Halloween pumpkin patches in the future? don't know. I liked it but boo remembers the other patches and she wasn't as thrilled, I don't think. But I liked the simplicity, the price and the produce. 

Upload...maybe overload.

So this is going to be a picture blog so far behind compared to number of pictures on my phone :

 Love this binkie sometimes super helpful other times cumbersome but more helpful than not:

 One week old:

 Blessing day.
We were able to have the baby blessing at our home,you know, we are pretty tight with the bishop, so it wasn't hard to get approval. ;)

 Nonna came that weekend too. She was such a help with the kids.

We were also blessed with other family there to join the special moment who were conveniently here for a football game...well some of them anyway. 

 Grandma time:

 Ain't this the truth?:

 Totally zonked out :

Little miss insisted babe have glasses.

 I know we have a picture of Boo doing this to little miss too but it's not readily available on my phone to add to this post.

When did little miss grow up so much? She looks so old in this picture:

 Lots of snuggles, she loves sleeping like this:

I loved general conference this weekend, more than usual. Usually, I don't love it. it's 8 hours of fighting to stay awake and being distracted by other things and missing most of it. But there were definitely talks that I loved and so many I need to listen to again (or for the first time...I still was distracted or dealing with yelling and screaming children). My favorite talk was Elder Holland's about mothers. So beautiful. 

I loved the last part:

"To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, “Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth [Moroni 7:46; see also 1 Corinthians 13:8].’” I can pay no higher tribute to anyone."

It's hard being a mom. In fact there have been way too many moments were I feel like i'm barely staying afloat, and moments I haven't liked how I was parenting but I do love being mom. I love my children so very much. 

Ok all done! :)

Swimming picture

Boo drew this picture at school. ..apparently she did this at the beginning of the yeart given my belly. I looked at this at just laughed.

This girl's attention to detail is amazing.  Each person needs a closer look.  First, daddy:

Love the ears, the chest...so funny.

Next :

That is her green striped swimsuit with no outline.  And her hair!! Looks like some dunce cap or something.  Hehe

The next one is me...oh my belly! !!!

And the artist herself:

Well, I think she did a lovely portrait of herself. No craziness there. :) 

It just makes me happy.

Staying alive

Somebody help please! How do you keep a third child alive? And while we are at it, how do I keep the second child alive as well? Seriously. The second child is the root of these problems of staying  alive. She doesn't seem to have any concept of danger or understanding what it means to be hurt.

So let's  start with little miss's problems with staying alive. We have counted 4 times she could have died. Twice choking, once in a pool and once running across the street. Right now it is the latter that has us completely concerned. She knows the rules. She just gets a mischievous look and starts running across the street, other times she stops. And when you stop her from running she just smiles and giggles.  Oye!!!!!
Now, i'm terrified for the life of our baby ( possibly blog name sweet). she probably thinks she's being helpful but instead putting Sweet in danger, you know giving her blankets but putting them on her head, etc. One time running and jumping on the couch only to land in the same area where Sweet is resting. Thankfully, I have only been a minute behind her. How do I stay ahead of little miss? I feel like I need to hold Sweet all of the time while little miss is awake to keep her our of danger. It seriously takes just one minute of my attention to be diverted elsewhere.

 What is a mom supposed to do? How do you teach a two year old how to be safe and the right amount of fear of danger?

I haven't even gotten started about me staying alive or sane yet with three children...but then I have had people and meals that have been easing me into life with 3 kids. Total blessings.

The nicu and our miracle

After our sweet babe was born (blog name still yet to be determined), I was able to hold her for a bit before the nursery nurse came to look at her and noticed her labored breathing. They took her away to give her oxygen. They also had to suck stuff out off her tummy since she swallowed a bunch of stuff while being born.
After a a couple of hours in the nursey not improving they moved her to the nicu. They hooked her up to a cpap, oxygen and stuck a tube down her throat to keep I believe fluid and air out of her tummy. They did x-rays and found she did have some fluids in her lungs. And they put her on antibiotics. It is so sad to see all that happen.
I wasn't worried that something serious was going to be forever wrong with her, especially having been through something similar to Boo's birth. Besides being concerned about the pain and discomfort she was experiencing, and what she'd have to go through to being whole, I was worried about how long her stay would be. I know this might sound awful, but I was concerned financially how a possible 7 day nicu stay would deplete our savings. It was one of my worries from the beginning of this pregnancy, knowing how expensive boo's stay was in the nicu.
As they poked and prodded I remembered my prayer the night before and that we would be blessed with a miracle.
We decided to call my dad over to help give her a blessing.
It was a special moment to call in the blessings of heaven through the priesthood on the behalf our baby.
We could just sit with her and look in on her little bed all hooked up.

(This is after the cpap and tube down her throat )

It wasn't until that evening when we were just sitting in her room that a night nurse let me hold her and nurse her. This was a no-no since she had the tube down her throat trying to keep everything out of her tummy. But I believe that night nurse was our miracle.  She was kind and encouraging telling me that skin to skin and nursing help the baby. It was amazing how holding her calmed her breathing down, I noticed that while I was holding her. After awhile we left. And probably a hour later or so GG went back to get something and she was off the cpap.
So she only was on the cpap and oxygen for 6 hours.  We just had to wait out to make sure she was okay and to finish the antibiotics.
They wanted to keep her longer but I questioned it a bit since she wasn't on anything and was doing fine. They decided to let her come home with me when I was discharged.  I was thrilled to be done with our stay and going home!

She's here!! The birth story

She finally made it! For all the waiting and anticipating, she made a speedy entrance into the world.
Ready for the birth story?nothing graphic, I promise.
I went to my 40 week appointment and decided to be induced rather than run the risk of having to wait another week to be induced if I didn't have her on my own before then. I really, really wanted her to come on her own but I was quite simply done. Between contractions at night and an awful cough, I was hardly sleeping.
I worried about bringing her into the world before she was ready so I prayed that night about it. I felt good about the decision and i had different phrases from my patriarchal blessing come to my mind. One if those phrases had to do with miracles.  Not exactly what you want to think about before giving birth, because that makes you realize the possibilities of a crisis to warrant a need for a miracle. None the less, I felt good about it.
So we show up get checked in and get ready to be induced. I ask them to just break my water and not give me petocin yet. They break my water at 8:24 with what the midwife called her "magic fingers"
I get up and take a stroll down the hallway and immediately the contractions start.  Remember the horrid cough I mentioned that kept me up at night? Well, I was not in short supply of coughs that morning and with each cough came a contraction. And probably after 2 strolls down the hall I started having back pain with the contractions. Probably by the third time down the hall I was done. it was waaayy too painful. I got back and called the nurse to ask for a birthing ball since she mentioned to me that the back pain is because she is malpositioned and the ball will help. Anyway she gets in there sees the pain and asked if I want the epidural.  Yes. Most definitely yes! Not caring I only made it all of 30 min or so without it.
During this time she got me ready for the epidural. I was to the point that the pain felt like too much to bear. It felt like she was getting ready to come out. She checked me and I was at an 8, I started at a 4.  I was starting to feel the need to push as the anesthesiologist was getting the epidural ready. He got it in, thankfully. I began to realize that during this time there were lots of nurses and people in there preparing for me to have this baby... however,  no doctor. This was around 9:45. Apparently,  had I not gotten the epidural, I would have not been able to not push and would have had her much earlier.

My doctor didn't show up for another 45 minutes. With each contraction I felt the need to push, I could feel her just hanging out there. My body was shaking uncontrollably.  I had no idea that was part of the transition phase. And unfortunately,  I got to experience 45 minutes of this phase. My nurses were all anxiously looking out for my doctor. I wanted so much to push her out. Finally my doctor gets there and with about three sets of pushes she was born. I have never had my epidural be low enough to he able to feel my baby come out or the need to push. It was pretty amazing to say the least. Usually, I feel like a big fat whale out of water and can't move a muscle.

In little over 2 hours of having my water broken, I had a baby ...and it could have been much sooner had my doctor been there.

.....stay tuned for the rest of the story. (It's taking me forever to type this so i'll have to do it in snippets.)