I'd be rich

On the way home from Utah, I was thinking about my short trip and I told GG that it was a rich experience and there wasn't anything I regretted. I loved that I had lunch with my mom and her sisters and see them interact. I loved the time we had with GG's family and that Boo got to play with her cousins. I love that I got to see family that I hadn't seen for a very long time. And I'm so glad that I got to be with all of my siblings. I wish it wasn't for a funeral that brought these opportunities but what greater gift could you give your grandfather than a sweet reunion of his posterity?

On the trip home I heard "If I Was A Millionaire" by Weird Al (?) on the radio. At the end of the song he says, "If I had a million dollars...I'd be rich." I might not have a million dollars but look at what I do have:

(All of my grandpa's grandchildren together for the very first time)

 (All of my siblings together for the first time since 2006)

If I had lots and lots of family......I'd be rich. :)

a heavenly father gift

I told Boo that we were going on a trip to go to great grandpa's funeral. Then I had to explain what a funeral was. I told her it is where are family and friends get together to say goodbye and remember him. She then said we need to get him a "Heavenly Father gift".  Sounds nice but I'm still not sure what she meant by it. I heard her mentioning it in her prayers tonight too. I asked her some more after she prayed, telling her that he didn't need a gift since he was already in heaven. I told her his body his still her on earth that they would put his body in a beautiful box and bury him in the earth while his spirit is in heaven. (this sounds weird as i type this but it's life, I guess.) Until he is resurrected. While talking about the "box" she said, "ooh I want to see the box". Somewhere in the conversation she said that she wanted to go to heaven. PLEASE, not yet! I told her that we needed to be here. I asked her, "don't you want to learn and grow? don't you want to read books, learn and run as fast as you can? Don't you want to grow up and get married in the temple? Don't you want to have kids and become a grandma someday?" She got very excited at becoming a grandma. Phew! I hopefully convinced her to remain in this earth life until she becomes a grandma.   I love my girls. I truly do. what a wonderful gift life is. Pondering death and leaving this life really makes you appreciate every part of this life from the miracle of birth and the transition we made to come here- through each phase of our life to the day it is time for us to make the transition in heaven.  I'm excited to know that when my time comes that grandpa will be one of those people awaiting to greet me home.

this turned out a lot longer than anticipated......sorry. lots of thoughts.

for my grandpa

I have felt for a couple of days that I wanted to send my grandpa a card. He was dying and I knew I wasn't going to be able to go out and visit him. I put it off. And last night, Little Miss was pretty awake and oddly I felt awake too. I thought about my grandpa. I thought about writing a card or email since I was sure a card wasn't going to get to him in time. I didn't though. I didn't want Little Miss to think it was awake time. I found out this morning that we were awake thinking of him moments before he passed.

He was in pain, he was 96 years old. I didn't think I would be this sad. He was a good man, lived a good life, made and kept covenants to be faithful and true. It was his time. I'm sure he is happy and at peace with many joyful reunions in heaven. Why, why does it hurt so much to know that he is not here?

Here is my note Grandpa that I wished I had written before he left this life, now it is my little goodbye:

Dear Grandpa,

I wish I could visit you and I envy everyone else who has been blessed with the chance to come and share their love for you. I am thinking of you and praying for you.  I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Thank you for the wonderful person you are and all the blessings you have shared with your family and those around you. What an example you are!  There are three ways I will always remember you: On roller skates, gliding across the rink floor, making it look completely effortless with you hands clasped  behind your back (in this one way I wish I was older and could have been apart of the awesome roller skating show era and seen you dance away); in you your beautiful garden (that produced the BEST corn that Nebraska can't even compete with); and in your computer chair diligently working away on family history and journals. Well, let me add a few more. :) In your brown lazy boy chair- where you would sit when we sat and visited or where you would sit to watch evening shows. And I will always remember the day you performed GG and I's marriage and sealing. And I will remember your words you shared with us that day.  What happy thoughts!

I love you Grandpa! I hope your reunion on the other side is more blissful and joyful than I could ever hope to imagine. I am who I am because of who you were and how you lived. I will always remember. I am so thankful that Boo shares your name so she too can remember the heritage you left behind.

behind the times

 The last 5-7 years I have felt like I was perpetually in my early twenties....before that I felt like I was always 19.  All the sudden I'm starting to not feel so perpetually young. I think I blame it on the increasing amount of grey hairs and also the fact that I KNOW I can't dress like the twenty-somethings anymore. Leggings and combat boots are so far from my comfort level.
I tried to get gussied up for the vday dance but my clothes are starting to feel dated and then trying to do my hair was impossible. I tried to put it up but with my short hair it just looked like a 2000's hair style and it is now 2014.  Ahhh well I guess. We all have to grow up. Sigh. I just don't want to be that lady in another 10-20  years where you can tell by her hair, makeup and clothes in which era she was in her prime.

Maybe a good haircut...which I do need, and a hair color I'll feel like a fresh late-twenty-something. :)

melting

It's like 60 degrees outside today. It feels so so good! We went on a walk with friends to the park. Then boo played outside with the remaining snow pile in our front yard. It was a beautiful, very needed day. It was however the wrong day to forget the groceries in the car. Oops. The ice cream will freeze again right?

wanted guest

The other night, I awoke to boo in my room on the floor saying she was scared. I asked what she wanted me to do. She must have misunderstood my question but she said "pray". So she prayed. " heavenly father please come to my house".    That is all I remember now but how cute.

candy.candy.candy

My tongue hurts. I can only assume it's from too much candy...and likely the cinnamon hearts. It's been a day and half and it hurts to eat, talk and brush my teeth. At the same time I can't. Stop. Eating. Candy.

Boo has had entirely too much candy too and I see the effects in her behavior. I try to be better to her than I am too myself with eating healthy. It may seem unfair when I'm sneaking chocolate behind her back but really I'm trying to help her. :) hopefully she doesn't pick up on the sneaking. At the same time she does try to sneak food but she runs conspicuously into her room and slams the door.

And despite my mouth hurting and boo not needing candy I still bought 3 bags of vday candy that was on sale today for $1.50. I almost bought 6 . Ha. What can I say we love chocolate. We love candy. Dessert. Anything sweet, we'll devour it.